I wrote a large post last night but then blogger went to the shits and I couldn't post. It was still in the crapper all morning and afternoon too.

Anyhow, my grandpa died the other day. I was scheduled to go to the funeral with mom originally, but then Wayne was able to find a way out of all the business meetings he had scheduled so he took the ticket instead. So, after reorganizing my shifts at work, I had to re-reorganize them, and then things were fine. Then I got home tonight and found out that my grandpa decided before he died that I should be a pallbearer at the funeral. Now I'm under intense parental pressure to fork out the $650 for a flight and get my ass out to the funeral to do my duty. And tt's not just the flight cost, that only gets me to Edmonton. I have to find a way from Edmonton to Grande Prairie from there - Around 550km's. I could rent a car or try to hitch a ride with my aunt (I'm NOT crazy about that idea, and besides my flight schedule is a little different and I'd be coming back at a different time so that part wouldn't work anyway).

Guess what, I was just looking at the fares again. Unless the funeral is done and over with by 9am there's no way I'll be able to make it back to Edmonton for the sale priced return fare. Looks like my flight will cost upwards of $850 - $900. Is this ridiculous? Yes. Ridiculous enough to make me seriously, seriously not want to go. I can't afford this kind of thing. I tell myself that I can't afford these things at the same time as I know I have the money in my account. The thing is, the only reason I have the damn money in my account is because I tell myself everyday that I can't afford these kinds of things. And I just committed a fair portion of resources to buying a new computer for the parents. Yes, I'm gifting a computer to my parents - a good one this time not the piece of shit I used to own. Why is it that once I agree to pricing and an arrangement to get this done suddenly I'm slapped with a ridiculous cost out of the blue. I can deal with expenses that I planned for. I can't deal with massive unplanned expenses. It makes me see spots in my eyes along with splitting headaches.

I'm looking for a bright side...maybe I'd be able to see Jason and have a few drinks - that would certainly be the highlight of the trip. I could maybe see my grandma too, it would be nice to see her because she's getting up there in the years as well. And maybe, just maybe I could track down that father of mine, and see what the hell he's been doing for the last 10 years since I saw him last. Or maybe see what's new since I talked to him those years and years ago, when he accidentally called me when he was looking for Danny because I was looking after Dan's house. That's the only time I've ever talked to that man since we moved in a phone call that he initiated. And it wasn't because he was looking for me. I thought it would be fun to just go and say 'hey, I'm your kid, this is what I am now, by the way, good riddance you ass'. But in spite of my bitterness, I wouldn't find myself engaging in such actions because I'm not a malicious person, honestly. I'd probably be nice and polite to his replacement family, and make empty promises to 'keep in touch'. For whatever reason.

Anyhow, I don't know if I'll even be going. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the idea of something that costs $900 for 3 days.